Ear Hair

EAR HAIR!

Hi Dr. Kittens,

I’m a single 32 yr old woman working at a big sportswear company in a suburb in Oregon. There’s a manager in the Team Sports Marketing that I met in the cafeteria. He’s a great guy but seems a little too old for me. He looks great and I dont think twice about thinking he’s maybe 45 at most. We’ve been going out for a few months and I’ve noticed alot of nose and ear hair almost suddenly. I’m thinking he may be much older than my estimate.

The big deal is if we get super serious stick together, get married and have kids, I’m concerned about the old dad side effects. Those being: autistic kids, a dad that cant participate in the kids’ sporting life and the worst thing, I become nurse maid to this guy when I’m in my 50’s and he’s in his 70’s.

What do you think I should do?

Sincerely,

Earritated Girlfriend

Dear Earritated Girlfriend,

My initial reaction was I was offended as I’m a cat I and have a ton of of ear hair. I took a deep breath and read the sign over my mirror that says “it’s not all about you.” In human men ear hair is certainly genetic but it does hit Caucasian and African American men in their late 50’s. Also are his ears and nose looking large? That’s a tell of increased age. Ask him what TV shows he watched as a kid If he says Bewitched or the Brady Bunch, he’s old. Another big idea I have is: just ask him how old he is. Does he have kids?. How old are they?

As for the autism risk, I’m not the expert but I have heard what you’ve stated, older men may increase the risk. If he or you are super rich then having an autistic kid will be less difficult. Maybe you’l have the next Elon Musk? Ok a nicer version of Elon, stil though, its hard to not recognize his success.

If he does have kids , do you think he wants to relive the whole child raising adventure again? What if the kid is autistic and not just brilliant and amusingly odd, but really cognitively affected?

Here’s an idea: remember in A Handmaid’s Tale when Elizabeth Moss’s character has the encounter with the driver to get pregnant because the commander’s semen was low on sperm? You could do the same thing and have a brief encounter with a younger man that’s the same coloring as your guy. Now if you get pregnant this way, and you’re watching a Hand Maid’s Tale with your guy and this episode comes up , don’t blow it and say “this is what I did to get pregnant/” or “Marla was right!” This will just lead to questions and hurt feelings.

Bottom line: just put on your big girl pants, and discuss all this except for the Hand Maid’s Tale part.

Good luck and let me know how it all turns out.

Dr. Kittens